We love them. We hate them (or we think we do). They frustrate us. They make us laugh. They make us cry. They confuse us. They make us worry. I can go on and on…
Do you ever wish he would just change his ways? Be more spontaneous? Listen to you more? Or simply, know what you are thinking? If your husband asks you “What’s wrong?” Do you respond “Nothing,” or do you tell him what is bugging you? Do you yell, or do you keep calm?
I don’t do well with change, so seeing my man change when I’ve finally adapted to his ways can make me a little crazy, but I re-adapt as best as I could. I married him for who he was and for his ways at that time, so why would I want him to change who and what I fell in love with.
Listening is not a guy thing as much as it is for women. They do it, but it is not something they prefer. When they do listen, it may not always be with the full attention that we require or need. They will not do the “Ooohs and the aaahhhs” that women do. I think that if you are going to make your husband listen to you for hours, at least let it be about a topic you both enjoy.
Husbands can’t know what we are thinking. Neither can we know what they are thinking, even though we are certain of our assumptions. We provide all the signals we can think of to help him figure out what is on our minds, or what is bothering us, but believe me, he isn’t paying attention to that much detail. He is not thinking “Let me see what my wife’s body language is so I can tell if she is upset or not. He will know when you are pissed when the moment occurs. Until then, he is just going to go about his business as if everything is fine and dandy. If we are not going to tell him what’s on our mind, then I guess it is best to forget the body language and just go about our own business.
I often say “Nothing is wrong,” even if there is. I say this even more when it was my husband who upset me. He might say “Ok,” and walk away or remain persistent and ask “Are you sure, honey?” One of the two might either make you more upset or have you pour your heart out to him. Best to say, “I’d rather not talk about it.” That way, he knows you are upset about something, but possibly not at him, and there won’t be a lengthy discussion about it. If you want him to know you are upset with him, just say ” I am upset with you, but I prefer if you leave me alone for a bit, so that I can calm down.” Oh boy, I need to work on this.
No matter what...I'm committed to you darling.
I have latin blood running through my veins, so when I am in an argument I talk with my voice raised. I don’t like to use the word yell (I used to be a screamer when I was much younger). I am working on this too, but it is hard because I am just loud, especially when I am angry. How to behave during an argument is a challenge, especially when your adrenaline is going and you are so mad. It is either the Dr. Jekyll or Mrs. Hyde who come out. I have tried to talk in a soft tone when actively involved in an argument but it lasts for a few minutes. I find my tone rising word after word.
I am no marriage counselor or trying to act like one. I just dislike the word divorce and how much you hear it today. I know husbands and wives behave differently with each other from marriage to marriage. Many have more downs than ups. I care about my marriage and learning from those who have succeeded with theirs. What a great way for wives (husbands, we will ask you later) to share techniques that worked in their marriage for situations that so many of us have in common. Who know, what works for one person, might work for another…and save a marriage.
It's a lot of hard work...but worth it.